‘Ditching My Christmas Cranky’
It’s Christmas time, It’s holiday time. Where’s your holiday spirit Pen? Tell an addict, that’s me, ‘you should be happy’ … my first instinct is to do the exact opposite behavior. I was Cranky Pen; taking out my frustration of not wanting to play happily with others. My way or the highway was my motto for the day.
Saturday, I nestled on my couch as is my custom, knowing that it was time to spend time with Pen. All distractions were unplugged; as I stared out my big beautiful windows viewing the golf course, I felt no agenda or path to find my own truth about my addictive self-centered behavior.
Staring at a long view for a period of time allows me the space to be a best friend to myself.
The first half hour was unfailingly the worst. Uncomfortable, restless feelings of anger under my skin combined with an endless string of ‘fuck you feelings’ diverted my exploration; finally, I say, “Penny, look at your beliefs surrounding your cranky selfish behavior over these past few days”.
During the next hour or two, I gradually let my walls down around my righteous indignation. Only then did my best friend ‘Pen’, with no judgment, quietly walk me through each ‘shit behavior’. When I finished with myself, I was feeling love flooding back into my being; I had backpedaled dictating to the world my point of view. Instead, I was collaborating, listening and being back to Pen, the woman with over 20 plus years of continuous addiction recovery.~
Stop your own addictive behavior that takes you down that rabbit hole of using.
I can teach and coach you how to be your best friend and you can create new memories of a joy-filled holiday season.